9am... A time not seen by unemployed kind for 6 months. Standing at the doors waiting for the grey faced security guard to welcome us in...

10 minutes later, Their already late for this interview..

"Mr Newman" a sheepish assistant calls out.

I walk over to the desk and we both give the usual underdone nod and grunt, all us English people give as a greeting..

While the assistant looks through my details, I think through my response repertoire.

So, Mr Newman, have you been looking for a job since we last saw you?

I pause for a moment and see my chance to make my stand...

"Well, I have given this some thought and there's only ever one outcome I can see.
You see, well, if I was to go into employment today I would obviously be earning more than I'm getting now and would be enjoying spending my hard earned cash each weekend on the latest gadgetry or some drunken binge down the boozer.
But I worked out what would actually be happening with my money and more importantly my soul..

I would earn enough to pay the rent and pay the bills, but then I'd find myself having excess cash so I'd buy some mega broadband deal and TV service with whoever would have me, I'd go shopping online after work, bidding on ebay, getting webspace, premium services and credit cards, maybe even a loan, because now I'm working I can now afford all this. Which as it would work out would leave me nothing in actual real cash and everything the following month would go on paying last months purchases. Fair enough I seem to be enjoying myself, but this would then go on month after month, while my brain starts stressing more and more on the upcoming bills.
This causes me to fret over whether I would keep this job long enough to get out of debt, and as time passes I get used to these thoughts, maybe a pay rise and I go spend more, then shortly after I begin the worrying process over again, monthly payouts are becoming larger and larger.
After a few months the stress levels build as debts get larger and I have less money and have to use the credit cards to buy food and drink.
Of course, on the outside I'm a normal person, living a normal life with money to spend, but all this worry is getting me down and the job workload seems bigger everyday; My boss seems to be always in my ear and his stooges are monitoring my activities, everyone is conspiring against me!
Oh god it's review time! what a month it's been, nothing seems to be done on time anymore! Oh god what will I do without a job? ALL that money I owe. The credit cards can't be shuffled anymore. Why did the boss walk in that one time I nodded off at my desk?
Sh*t their calling me in.."

The next day I'm back at the jobcentre and have made an appointment at the doctors, I know it'll be depression and I'm sure the blood pressure is up, f*ck this for a life!!

I look up, snap back into reality to see the jobcentre assistant staring back at me. I could actually see myself in their eyes for a brief second.

"So you see... I would like to go to B but while I'm at A, there's no worry no stress, I manage what little money I have, and have the time to do all those things I love, without the thought of having to rush back in time to get tea done and to bed for work the next day.
The trip to B initially looks bright, but its just a return ticket to A.
So that's why I've not been looking, just saving you the paperwork ..... See you in 2 weeks, OK, bye"

------------

Some people have it in them to manage their life, but who are they really on the inside? can you really be such a worry free soul when 20 or so people are asking for money?
Having no money and knowing you can survive does leave a hint of "I would love one of those" everywhere you go, but after a time you realise life is the same without it.
Someone once said, "Security is not having money, it's knowing you can survive without it". The more money you have, the less secure you become.
We all want money so others will look at us without that glazed over look you get when they ask what you do for a living, but who's the most secure, who actually appreciates his life more? who sees life more openly than the other? Who has less worries and doesn't stress over the next bill dropping through the door? Who can sit on a hilltop and truly be at peace with himself?

Who will die first? and who will leave knowing there's more they could have done, but for years they've known it counts for nothing in the end?

Tomorrow is my birthday, yey, I'm 21 10

• erm...
• maybe a .....
• nope ..
• nothing ..

Bad points on hitting 31

• Forget what day it is.
• Forget what you just said.
• Forget what was just said.
• you tend to not understand your own thoughts as much, but talk to yourself more.
• All your friends take longer to hassle into doing what you like to do.
• Kids keep asking you questions that you forgot the answer too.

Aims for the following year, this includes New Years resolutions

• Decide on what language I want to learn, choices are Japanese, German, Russian or Polish.
• Do a camp trip that lasts more than 3 days and over 100miles from home.
• Stop Smoking
• Start Smoking
• Stop Smoking